Adding Detail

WAIT:Adding Detail To Sentences

A complex sentence has more than one clause. It has added detail giving the reader more information. It adds interest and makes writing JUICY.

You can add to the

beginning

middle

end

of simple sentences.

Mr Jacobsen was our coach on the confidence course.

I was really happy Mr Jacobsen was our coach on the confidence course.

Mr Jacobsen was our coach on the confidence course at camp Bentzion

Mr Jacobsen was really a good coach that helped us though the confidence course.

As we went down to the water I was nervous about sailing at camp.

I was nervous with fear and thought about sailing at camp

I was nervous about sailing at camp when we got there.

After looking up at the terrifying wall We went abseiling

We went abseiling above camp Bentzion.

Kawau Island

Next week I am going to my camp at kawau Island with my class. We are going to be staying there for four days and the things I'm really looking forward to is playing games likes Volley,abesailling,and mostly doing burma trail.

Strange Noise

On a sunny day it was spring the grass was waving and the birds were singing but also there lived a family of five who owned a very very big farm they had lots of animals some of them were fat and some were skinny there were so much animals that they were going to leave soon but one day it was time to take some animals away from their mothers and them.

The family was so depressed that their son Joe ask where are they going to go but no one answer because they knew if they told him he will be sad and cry all day and night so he asked again and again until he heard something. He turned around and it stopped Joe was scared That he ran outside and again it came back “Joe help us we have been taken help Joe help” Joe did not know what it was so he turned around a Bam no one was there.

“Huh who is it please tell me I will help just show yourself” but no one showed so he closed his eye and again he heard something”Help Joe we are stuck in a freezing room” Joe opened his eyes and he thought hmm what is a freezing room?.So he went to his mom and said “mom what is a freezing room” but his mother didn’t say anything so he walked outside and closed his eyes again there it was again saying”Joe if u dont come we are going to die”.

Then Joe went lost he didn’t know what to do so he thought so hard that he needed a rest so he lade on his bed and started to think hmm what if .

The Big Flood

It was a beautiful long day and the sun was shining the animals were eating and the farmers were planting. But there also lived a sow and her two baby twins they were called Holly and Molly.

But one day there mother said to Holly and Molly “Come on girls lets go for a walk” so the girls rushed outside and off they went.As they were walking the girls got tired so they went back to their pen and went to sleep.

But suddenly the twins woke up because they heard water coming out from somewhere so they woke up there mother and they walked outside and BOOM the water had hit them and separated them from each other.

But as they were getting separated Molly could see all the animals floating in the water trying to get hold of something as she was floating she heard her sister Holly saying”HELP HELP SOMEONE HELP” so she followed the nose and there she saw Holly and her mom standing on something metal.

So Molly hopped on and went up to her sister and mom hugged them so hard that it felt like there hands were going to fall but then they heard a stomach rumbling again and again so Molly said”ohh sorry im just so hungry i can’t help it”

But then they heard a dog barking so they moved a little bit closer to the water and there they were it was a farmer and his dog on a boat they were so happy that Molly and Holly said “YEAH WE ARE FREE” so they hopped on the boat and they went safely back to dry land and they lived happly ever after.

Paragraph Rubric

On A sunny day there lived A boy named James and his brother named Jack. They were out feeding the animals until they were finish,so they sat down on A bale of hay and started to think what they can do today.

But suddenly they heard A nose so they rushed outside and it was there dad Mac he was on his quad biker to see if the animals were ok so James and Jack had and idea so they ran to there dad and said “dad can we use your quad bike please” and they were so lucky that there dad was kind and lends them his quad biker.

So they both hopped on and off they went to find a nice place to race but as they were going they found just the right spot it was called Beverly Hills then Jack said to James “I wonder why its called Beverly Hills?

As they were thinking James didn’t want to think any longer so he told his brother that he is going to beat him at the race so he hopped on and off he went he was pretty good that his brother stopped thinking and told him that he was showing off.

As James was riding he went far and far until Jake heard a crash so he ran to where he heard it and there he saw James,James was crying and telling him to go home and  tell their mom and dad so Jake ran as fast as he could and once again he made it home first he went straight to the phone and called 111 then he told his mom and dad to go to Beverly Hills.

As they got there the ambulance were already taking him inside the car and off they went to the hospital it didn’t take that long until the doctor came out and said “it was a close call”.Two months later he was back to normal and he also learned from his mistake

                             THE END BYE ANISHA